I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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