We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So squirting runs in the family.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
