I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
