10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
