1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
