Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
