'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
