dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
