I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize