Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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