I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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