I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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