Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
