dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
