I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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