the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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