I just saw a hot homeless man
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
