I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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