I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
