So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
