did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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