Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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