If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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