Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
