Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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