OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
