Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Its about making memories worth repressing
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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