don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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