If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
