THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
