I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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