the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
