Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
