My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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