Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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