I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
