there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
