I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
