I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
