I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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