No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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