What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
