I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
