my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
