My nipple is on Facebook.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Less talking, more tequila
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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