Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
