so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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