Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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