I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The Olympian is in my bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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