i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
