Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
