He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
