so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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