yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
