she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
