I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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