I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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