ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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