I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And then he peed in my hair
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