also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
