you traded sex for a burrito?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
