So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
