I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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