dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
