do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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