I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
