As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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