Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.