Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.