I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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