Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry

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(919): Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry http://tfl.nu/e19m

Replies (7) Good night (906) Bad night (2113)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?

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(412): Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned? http://tfl.nu/249l

Replies (32) Good night (641) Bad night (6524)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

sounds like you fell off the wagon.

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.

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(617): sounds like you fell off the wagon. (1-617): fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon. http://tfl.nu/7sjj

Replies (5) Good night (4302) Bad night (880)
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(303): View more from Colorado

So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?

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(303): So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door? http://tfl.nu/on5x

Replies (8) Good night (4212) Bad night (883)
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(361): View more from Texas

I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

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(361): I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off. http://tfl.nu/sc97

Replies (21) Good night (4254) Bad night (1449)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.

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(732): thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air. http://tfl.nu/4jlr

Replies (3) Good night (1718) Bad night (1037)
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(727): View more from Florida

I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish

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(727): I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish http://tfl.nu/fk29

Replies (12) Good night (2801) Bad night (630)
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(214): View more from Texas

It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

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(214): It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils. http://tfl.nu/mamt

Replies (5) Good night (1571) Bad night (700)
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(303): View more from Colorado

we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us

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(303): we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us http://tfl.nu/pmf4

Replies (8) Good night (3736) Bad night (574)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.

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(307): I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head. http://tfl.nu/1su5

Replies (2) Good night (951) Bad night (918)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

That is a hangover

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I would prefer a headache

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(215): Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame (267): That is a hangover (215): I would prefer a headache http://tfl.nu/ewcu

Replies (3) Good night (1177) Bad night (477)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.

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(+61): I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad. http://tfl.nu/47hi

Replies (3) Good night (939) Bad night (195)
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(309): View more from Illinois

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!

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(309): WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/237p

Replies (4) Good night (697) Bad night (159)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport

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(317): Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport http://tfl.nu/wqk2

Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (144)
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(425): View more from Washington

I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me

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(425): I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me http://tfl.nu/ceiy

Replies (8) Good night (231) Bad night (739)

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